Enough...but is it enough!

Today morning I woke up and resolved I will not be sad. I stepped out of the room. Took deep breaths. Looked up at the skies. Absorbed positive energies from the skies. Told self - all will be well. There will be a good news. There will be positivity. I got ready singing loudly. I worked diligently, pushing mind off any thoughts. I attended several meetings. Did not think. All will be well. It's a great day. It is sunny also today. God is looking at me, smiling. He will do something great today. It went off well...

...yet it snapped. When evening came. And nothing else did. No good news. Another problem, though. The night settled in. So did the heaviness. It was a same day like the past. Only, I had fooled myself. There was no innate happiness in it. I just covered it with a suffocating polythene of false happiness.

No...this is not enough. I dont want to pretend that all is well, and then claim that all has actually become well. I want intrinsic happiness, even if it comes from the materialistic things that I crave for.

Gaya phir aaj ka din udaas karke mujhe...*

* Lyric from film Dil Ashna Hai