Prayer
Before my boss could blow off his lid, I managed to complete half of the stupid work mentioned in the previous post. The report was submitted, all of the 40 pages; it was untidy, haphazard and absolute balderdash. I cringed when I saw the print outs; but neither was there inclination, nor the time, to re-edit it further. It's gone, and hopefully, now in some cans where it was ultimately to go.
With this, it will give me some breathing space, before he asks for the second part. I am saved for a week at least.
But it is another scare that looms large in front of me. I wonder if its with me that happens or does everyone go through the same tensions and nail-biting hours, when something big is to happen. I am confident others go through the same process; but the vital difference is that while others would work and then go through the tension, I just procrastinate and idle, and then get the dull ache inside me. I should not be at this place, and writing this piece, but doing something about the immense workload. But that's the way I am - a lazy, good for nothing, idiot, prone to enjoy the luxuries of life without working hard.
It all comes back to the same thing again ; I have seen people who have never set foot inside a temple, or praying, gain the successes. I am jealous of them. Maybe its the past karma, maybe its their diligence, maybe they are plain lucky. Why can't I be so ?
This is repetition; but still, have to pen it down. God, if You are omnipresent, if You really exist, if You have ever got a true prayer for me even for one mini-second, if You are within me and reading this as I type it out, please give me the success that I crave for. That one thing will ease life a bit, I think. And yes, please God, do not give it with some sticky strings attached. I know You have strange ways of fulfilling wishes, but this time please do it sans the sense of humor or tricks. Its a plain, honest prayer to You, please reply in a plain, honest way.
With this, it will give me some breathing space, before he asks for the second part. I am saved for a week at least.
But it is another scare that looms large in front of me. I wonder if its with me that happens or does everyone go through the same tensions and nail-biting hours, when something big is to happen. I am confident others go through the same process; but the vital difference is that while others would work and then go through the tension, I just procrastinate and idle, and then get the dull ache inside me. I should not be at this place, and writing this piece, but doing something about the immense workload. But that's the way I am - a lazy, good for nothing, idiot, prone to enjoy the luxuries of life without working hard.
It all comes back to the same thing again ; I have seen people who have never set foot inside a temple, or praying, gain the successes. I am jealous of them. Maybe its the past karma, maybe its their diligence, maybe they are plain lucky. Why can't I be so ?
This is repetition; but still, have to pen it down. God, if You are omnipresent, if You really exist, if You have ever got a true prayer for me even for one mini-second, if You are within me and reading this as I type it out, please give me the success that I crave for. That one thing will ease life a bit, I think. And yes, please God, do not give it with some sticky strings attached. I know You have strange ways of fulfilling wishes, but this time please do it sans the sense of humor or tricks. Its a plain, honest prayer to You, please reply in a plain, honest way.
posted by Not A Nice Person To Know at 9:47 pm
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